ThInG's to sTuMbLe

A little of everything and every little thing is a Big thing to know about.

Humors from Management Course July 18, 2013


Lesson 1:

 

husband-wife 

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.

 Before she says a word, Bob says, “I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel.”

 After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.

 After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.

 The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, “Who was that?” “It was Bob the next door neighbor,” she replies.

 “Great!” the husband says, “did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?”

 Moral of the story:

If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

 

 Lesson 2:

 car dashboard

 

A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.

The nun said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?”

 The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?” The priest apologized “Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.”

 Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.

 On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, “Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.”

 Moral of the story:

If you are not well informed in your job, opportunities for advancement will pass right by you.

 

 Lesson 3:

 genie

 

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, “I’ll give each of you just one wish.”

 “Me first! Me first!” says the admin clerk. “I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.” Puff! She’s gone.

 “Me next! Me next!” says the sales rep. “I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.” Puff! He’s gone.

 “OK, you’re up,” the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, “I want those two back in the office after lunch.”

 Moral of the story:

Always let your boss have the first say.

 

 Lesson 4:

 Eagle and a rabbit

 

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, “Can I also sit like you and do nothing?”

 The eagle answered: “Sure , why not.”

 So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

 Moral of the story:

To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

 

Lesson 5:

 

bull_turkey.03 

A turkey was chatting with a bull. “I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree,” sighed the turkey, “but I haven’t got the energy.”

 “Well, why don’t you nibble on some of my droppings?” replied the bull. They’re packed with nutrients.”

 The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.

 Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

 

 Moral of the story:

 

Bull shit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.

 

 Lesson 6:

 Bird and cow

 

A little bird was flying south for the Winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and shit on him.

 As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.

 A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

 

Morals of the story:

(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.

(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.

(3) And when you’re in deep shit, it’s best to keep your mouth shut!

 

REF: http://www.yesemails.com/text/managementcourse/

 

Cute, Adorable Pets February 3, 2012

Filed under: cats,funny,Pets — TinaCulit @ 2:55 am
Tags: , ,

Jonna Baquillas holds her pet, a rescued cat named Rue, for an event to benefit the Philippine Animal Welfare Society in Manilla, Philippines. (AP)

12 giant panda cubs lie in a crib at the Chengdu Research Base in China.

Two-year-old chimpanzee Do Do feeds milk to Aorn, a 60-day-old tiger cub

A baby dolphin with its umbilical cord still attached was found beached near Montevideo city, Uruguay. Luckily, a rescue organization got involved and and nursed the little guy back to health.

Zukhro, an employee of a Russian city zoo, walks with Vadik, an 18-month-old male lion.

This little orange seal has been ostracized by his fellows for being ginger. Also, unfortunately, he is almost blind.

He was found waiting for his mother under a log on Tyuleniy Island in Russia. He was picked up and taken by staff at a dolphinarium to keep him from anymore emotional stress.

Good news though, the seal is doing much better. Now named Nafanya – after a lookalike Soviet cartoon character – the seal was given VIP treatment and has now moved into a plush new home at the country’s leading aquarium.

Jess, a seven-year-old female cat, looks on as a mouse runs by in a back yard in Gosport, England

REF:  http://www.buzzfeed.com/mjs538/incredible-photos-of-animals-from-2011

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REF:  http://thedesigninspiration.com/articles/50-adorable-animals-to-melt-your-heart

 

Do you want some thrill? May 19, 2011

Filed under: Amazing,Coolest,Extreme,funny,Life,Places,STUFF,UnUsual,Weird — TinaCulit @ 2:10 am
Tags: , ,

I don’t like riding in coasters especially if its like this one specifically..

REF:  THRILL

 

Laziest Cat EVER April 30, 2011

Filed under: animals,cats,funny — TinaCulit @ 5:54 am
Tags: , , ,

Cuddly cat sure gives me some laugh 😄

REF: http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=kVoKSjLt8bc

 

Pictures of CAts Winning March 27, 2011

Filed under: ads,animals,cats,funny,Pets — TinaCulit @ 8:53 pm
Tags: , , ,

 

New English-Tagalog Translations March 2, 2011

Filed under: funny,work — TinaCulit @ 5:36 pm
Tags: , , ,

  1. President – Pasimuno
  2. Vice President – Kunsintidor
  3. Secretary – Palsipikador
  4. Treasurer – Kubrador
  5. Auditor – Kasabwat
  6. Business Manager – Gastador
  7. Public Relations Officer – Tsismoso
  8. Sergeant-at- Arms – Pasaway
  9. Representative – Pahamak
  10. Observer – Usisero
  11. Advocate – Taga-batikos
  12. Spokesman – Bolero
  13. Moderator – Taga-bulabog
  14. Announcer – Manggugulat
  15. Monitor – Taga-silip
  16. Inspector – Taga-lapirot
  17. Investigator – Mangangalkal
  18. Enforcer – Tirador
  19. Jail Warden – Sadista
  20. Prosecutor – Tagapaglait
  21. Judge – Tagahugas-kamay
  22. Aide – Taga-istorbo
  23. Assistant – Galamay
  24. Adviser – Sulsol
  25. Consultant – Mangangalakal
  26. Contractor – Estapador
  27. Expert – Punong-Yabang
  28. Technical Writer – Manlilinlang
  29. Spin Doctor – Taga-himas
  30. Headhunter – Taga-silat
  31. Headshrinker – Basagulero
  32. Director – Taga-udyok
  33. Manager – Taga-kulit
  34. Boss – Busabos
  35. Supervisor – Ambisyoso
  36. Chief Accountant – Punong-Gahaman
  37. Sales Vendor – Pirata
  38. Collector – Mangingikil
  39. Custodian – Taga-ligpit
  40. Dispatcher – Taga-dispatsa
  41. Distributor – Taga-kalat
  42. Delivery Man – Taga-iwan ng Gamit
  43. Circulation Head – Taga-bilog ng Ulo
  44. Purchaser – Palengkera
  45. Receptionist – Palikera
  46. Clerk Typist – Taga-parami ng Papel
  47. Messenger – Tagatulak ng Papel
  48. Janitor – Taga-limas
  49. Plumber – Taga-tagas
  50. Repairman – Mambubutingting
  51. Gardener – Damuho
  52. Utility Man – Inutil
  53. Watchman – Istambay
  54. Security Guard – Bantay-Salakay
  55. Doorman – Nagpapalusot
  56. Driver – Kaskasero
  57. Change Passenger – Malas na Nakikiangkas
  58. Comedian – Alaskador
  59. Entertainer – Kerengkeng

 

REF: http://nyakerz.org/forum/showthread.php?p=75973